When I was a kid, I vividly remember my father doing yard work on our home. He'd be out there, setting several small fires, to clear out the leaves and debris in our yard. And it never occurred to me that once my parents separated, the yard quality soon fell apart. When my mom, sisters, and I moved to our newer home, the only lawn maintenance was the occasional teenaged kid who came buy with a lawnmower, for $20, until my mom finally hired a regular lawn service.
Moving into my house was great, but it did not occur to me that I'd be on the hook for the lawn. I was blessed that my cousin, Tene, was moving into an apartment from a house, as I moved from an apartment into an house, and she allowed me to take all of her lawn items, including a leaf blower and lawnmower. I was initially nervous about maintaining my own lawn. I'd never mowed my own grass before, and I feared looking like a dork in front of my neighbors. I was even willing to pay my friends $50 to mow it for me, but to no avail. I guess grown ass folks aren't trying to be out there like that.I finally tried to get out there to mow it for the first time, and I realized that my lawnmower wasn't working, so I called my cousin, Doc. He paid to get it repaired for me, and as a housewarming gift, he hired a friend to help him come and do yard work, including pushing back some brush in my back yard. Up to that point, I really hadn't paid attention to the back yard. I was just so happy to have a home, and I didn't really anticipate spending much time out there anyway, so what was the point, ya know?
Doc and his friend, Boobie, (actual nicknames- gotta love the South) went out there and began clearing the much grown-in back yard. There was even two metal clothes line poles that had long-since been covered by bush and vines, and I'd had no clue they existed. The two men worked hard, until a wasp nest was threatened and both took a couple of hits. They apologized for leaving a half completed job, but I was just ecstatic that my yard had at least been trimmed, they had nothing to apologize for.
Occasionally, I'd run into both men, and they'd mention the need to finish their work in the yard, and again, I'd assure them that all was well. When moving into my home, on of the first things I'd purchased was a rake, and since there are so many trees outside, I occasionally have to go outside and tidy things up, especially since the previous owners didn't do much to maintain things.When Doc and Boobie were clearing the brush, they'd also created a small pile of wood logs. I'd planned to build a fire pit, but hadn't gotten to it. I'd also started collecting sticks as I found them, and put them in a separate pile. But one day, when weather turned, and the stack of twigs got big, I decided to burn them. And while burning them, I kept looking for other things to burn. My rake started getting more action. I looked at the downed trees that Doc and Boobie never got around to, and I bought a chain saw and broke them down myself. And into the fire those wood blocks went as well. And even though I'd completely burned my first set of downed branches, I soon had another pile.
My mentee, Bre, joined me for the first burn. While adding things, I started to look more at the brush Doc and Boobie had started on. I knew that my first rake wouldn't do the trick. I'd need one especially for digging out the land, so Bre and I walked into Lowe's, where I found it. We'd also looked at some pruners. And strangely, lately, whenever I have an hour or two between tasks, I find myself outside, either bagging up leaves or using my chainsaw to cut down branches. And after buying my pruner yesterday, I loved using it to clean up some of the tougher branches. It's almost like a high for me.
Sometimes, I'll step back and admire all of the land I've cleared. It isn't a lot of land, about 4-10 feet, in various spots. I made it my goal to at least go back to the clothesline poles and expose them. I am willing and able to do more, but this fall, I saw deer outside several times, and I want to leave enough for them to saunter around. Yesterday, I finally got close enough to prune all of the ivy off of the clothesline poles. It was so cathartic.The wild thing is how natural this feels. I was so hesitant to start doing any yard work, and just the other day, I literally ran outside during my 15-minute break at work, to bag leaves. It's almost like a drug for me! And as dig into this yard work even further, what amazes me the most is how no one ever taught me anything. My dad never said to me "come here and let me show you how to clear this out." Nope. Doc and Boobie didn't go "and this is how you cut down a small tree." None of that. I almost feel like I was bred to do this.
When I was talking to my father, once or twice, he'd brag about getting around to clearing out his back yard, but I didn't get it. It didn't seem big to me. But I certainly get it now. In having a last name like "Flowers" I've always been annoyed by my inability to keep a potted plant alive. Even in this home, it seems like no matter what I do, they wilt and die. But I can go outside, grab practically any tool, and bring beauty and order back to my personal space.
It even made me think about Doc and my dad, both Flowers men, and how naturally they took to yard work. I know that my dad spent some time on a farm, and the people there literally almost worked him to death. They were his family also, unfortunately. But as I'm looking further into my spiritual lineage, in addition to my last name, I'm genuinely wondering if I honestly do have a natural connection to this. Next, I'd like to add some bushes and flowers that bloom around my house. It only seems right.
The other day, even though I had a date to prepare for, and didn't want to get to sweaty, I still occasionally ran outside for a 15-minute "yard quicky" where I removed some brush and added branches to my new burn pile.
Thankfully, I managed to make it into my date as a non-sweaty mess. He'd ordered me to dress it up, and I did the damned thing. Folks get so used to me in my jeans that they forget that I can pull up when the moment calls for it. He'd grown his beard out and he looked nice. He looked so distinguished. He didn't mention my dress, but he rubbed on my back throughout the date, so I'm pretty sure he noticed it.
When the date ended, he passionately invited me to his home. Lawd, I wanted to go! But I admitted to him that I'm just not in a good space to entertain a man in that way. At least, not now. Funny enough, my therapist, Dr. R has mentioned to me that I needed to start dating men that made more money. I've explained how difficult that is these days, but she has remained undeterred. She'd likely get a chuckle out of him being my former professor, but he definitely makes more. He's also a bit older, well-traveled, and he's in my field, although he works in a different area. I always enjoy being able to talk shop with peers.Not sure what'll happen with him. I'm remaining guarded though. Meanwhile, all I'm focused on is learning to manicure my yard appropriately. So as the world around me turns, I'm watching it all turn green, while I'm starting to finally attract the kind of energy that I need and deserve in my life. I guess my green thumb doesn't just apply to my yard, it applies to my spirit as well.