So I'd mentioned FAMM (Fine Ass Maintenance Man) and how he was a childhood classmate (unbeknownst to me at the time) and how we'd started talking. As much as I'd liked him, I knew that I had to maintain a distance. I saw somethings in him that let me know that having high expectations wouldn't be good for me or us. So as much as I liked him, I always knew to keep it light. I've owned the mistakes that I've made by my expecting too much from men in the past, so I finally learned how to keep my expectations low, while having a good time.
But recently, something happened. I started to notice that he'd call me and share things with me. Things he needed and ways he preferred I communicate with him. And it kinda baffled me. I mean, I didn't get it. He'd also call me during his down times at work, just to chat and check in. He's fine as fuck, highly intelligent, funny as all get out, extremely talented. He could have any woman he wanted. I've literally watched women eye hump him. Yet he's calling lil' old me to talk about communication styles and calling out things I said that he took slight offense to. And then it hit me.
You dumb bitch, this man *likes* you!! He's communicating his needs with you and he's hoping you'll hear him so that you can better understand one another!!
And I'll be honest and share that I had to mull that one over. Like was this one of those things that I overthought about and then created a scenario in my head that is the opposite of anything real? I was honestly trying to figure this out. I mean, I've made peace with being single. I don't particularly want or need a man at this point of my life. The ironic part is that I'm pretty sure if I was bugging him for a relationship, I couldn't get him on the phone if my life depended on it. But since I'm genuinely not phased either way, here we are!
I've long-since figured that a big part of what drew he and I together was that we knew one another in childhood. We saw one another when we were just really starting to figure ourselves out. While another woman may meet him now and swoon all over him, between us going to school together, and my mental health background, I get him. I can connect the dots and understand what makes him tick. I realized some time ago that knowing or seeing someone in childhood is almost equal to seeing them naked. You're seeing them before life did what it does. It almost reminds me of a woman I went to middle school with.
As an adult, she was working as a prostitute and shot a man in his big rig truck. And when I heard her unique name on the news, all I could think back on was how she was so sweet and kind when we were kids. And although I'd long-since lost touch with the woman, and I'm sure she'd barely remember me, in spite of her crime, I knew and I saw the real her. Just like I know and see the real FAMM.
He called me this evening and again mentioned something I'd said that struck a nerve. And strangely, since I don't feel particularly connected to him, I felt like I should just ask during our conversation. "So what direction do you see us going in?" and "So do you want to do the monogamous thing?" He answered that he'll have to think on it and let me know.
I dunno, I feel like old me would want some kind of answer immediately. I mean, we've been seeing one another casually for a year and a half now. But the other part of me kinda doesn't care. Is that weird? I like him, and I enjoy him. And I feel safe with him. For instance, I'd mentioned feeling like a neighbor came into my home, and he immediately said to me "babygirl, we gotta get you a gun!" And I'm not big on guns. But I'm big on a man that values my safety.
I was even surprised to learn tonight that he felt some kind of way about me mentioning a sexual encounter with another guy about a year ago. I confessed to him that in all of my dating encounters, I learned that if someone does not confirm monogamy, then it's best not to assume it exist. And I'm down for it, if that's what he wants. But I'm not pining for it either. It seems like the more I don't feel vested in any kind of future with him, the more he leans into communicating with me and making plans for the future. All of this, all because I saw him "naked" in middle school.
