Other Side of the Game

Ugh. I'm not going to share much about it, but my birthday... I broke the seal. A year and a half. Drunk, late, old friend... you get the idea. I was hopeful it would be more, even casually, but I was also prepared for a fuckboy ending. I won't give the boring details, but it literally ended a few days later, with me in his bed. I damned near felt Kirk Whalum's saxophone screaming in my ear to get the hell on. I heard my angels/the voices/the spirits/the ancestors/God/The Universe/yo mama, yelling in my head to get the fuck out of his bed, grab my shit, go home and block him. And that's exactly what I did.

If I learned nothing else from a long bout of celibacy, it was that I don't need any man that brings confusion and chaos to my life, nor am I going to waste time with a man who is competing with me. Crazy that he was competing, because since he was my boy, I was trying to put him on with some connects I know. I wasn't about to play with his ass though. Every damned time I've ever ignored those voices, I regretted it. Every. Damned. Time. So I did as I was told and got the hell on. Shit happens, 20 year friendship over. No regrets.

It feels like a distant memory. Weirdly enough, I really don't count it. Moving on....

In other news, Pumpkin had his train ride to Denver and then flew to Seattle, where he now is. He managed to stay with my homegirls and their husbands. From what I heard, he's really developed love for the west coast. I'm glad he's enjoying it. I feel like Super Mom, being able to do this for my son. My friends have both contacted me and told me how amazing he is, and how much they've enjoyed having him. It's amazing to know that I raised this kid to be a rock star. And everyone loves their kid, because we're biologically wired to do so. The cool thing is that my kid isn't just someone that I love, he's someone that I actually like and admire. I really miss him and can't wait for him to come home.

On a crazy note, it might just be summertime madness, but I miss Fred. Like bad! I'd even asked a girlfriend for his number, but she loved me enough to tell me no. I accepted it. But then I realized that I actually have his number in one of my old phones. I'm not going to use it, but it's nice to know that it's there. Speaking of trusting my spirits, I was advised not to contact him first, but to let things happen on it's own, and that's what I'm planning to do. I'm planning to take a long weekend in L.A. later this year, but I have no intention to see him. I just need some west coast sun.

I'm ready for the fall to kick in. July/August, I tend to kinda dissociate until the cooler weather kicks in. So that's what I'm doin. Just hanging out until it gets cooler. The women's group that I started is getting some momentum and we're going tubing later this month. I'm so proud of how much we've come together and the progress these wonderful women are making.

I'm blessed.