Couple Friends

I was at my best friend's surprise party last night and I met a mutual friend's girlfriend, and I immediately took to her. We both said that in dealing with our men, we were pretty sure that our boos were more than likely our future husbands. We talked about how we'd both had long and bad relationships in the past, so we knew we were on a better tracks.

She told me that she'd been dating him as long as I'd been dating Love and I suggested that she and I double with our new loves. Then I looked up and suggested that the four of us go out with my bestie and his girlfriend, making us a triple date. Around the same time I told her that I had been pricing photogs and flowers for our wedding and was amazed at the prices. She told me that she'd been married before and that her Vegas wedding costs her $5k. Another married friend chimed in that he'd spend over $8k for his wedding last year and he only got that steal because he'd called in favors all over the city. It felt awesome to talk to other people seriously about such issues, since I was never this close to a walk down the isle before.

 It was then that I realized why they often say it is best for couples to hang with other couples. While with Deen there was only one couple we hung with and truthfully, they were just as screwed up as he and I were. Now that I'm in a really happy and loving relationship, I love the idea of getting together with other couples and hanging out. The best thing about the males last night is that I know all three of them (Love, the new woman's boyfriend, and my male bestie) are genuinely GOOD dudes. They are men that seek long-lasting, family-oriented relationships with the women they love and with God. I now understand that when all of your social encounters are with single people, it is easy to get sidetracked and forget to carry yourself as half of a couple. When your focus is husband/wife/child/family, you know not to have your ass in the club frequently as if you were single.

The married friend also told us that he intends to have his birthday this spring in Amsterdam and said we should all join him. I told him that as a woman who is happily committed to a minister, getting blitzed in Amsterdam is not an option. My friend said that if I marry someone, he has to accept who and what I am. I told him that while I agree to an extent, for my particular relationship, somethings I had to fall back on. He's married and his wife will be in Amsterdam with him. I'm heading toward marriage, and I'll be home with my boo. Or wherever he is. Love and I will simply have to find new couples to hang with in the meantime.

Friend Zones

As stated, I made a new friend "Chaz" a few weeks ago. He's lovely. Sexy as all hell, funny, charming, good looking, insightful, warm, honest. Things that would make him an incredible friend. So despite the obvious sexual tension between us, I told him I think we'd be best as platonic friends. Sure, there are moments when I imagine what it would be like to do inappropriate things to him, but with each day those moments are fewer, and I settle into how much I adore his friendship and I always look forward to seeing him again. I also love that he lives close to me while so many of my friends live further out.

I guess its a sign of my growing maturity to not automatically feel it necessary to bed an attractive guy just because I can. It also goes to show how much I value friendship because I don't want to get it in one time and then lose a good friend. It reminds me of another situation I was in a while ago. I was chatting with a homegirl and somehow we started to talk about a good friend of mine I'll call Mike. Mike and I have tons in common but he friend zoned me early on. I was hurt, but I accepted it and he and I became like brother and sister. For some stupid reason I let my friend convince me that Mike's friendship was destined to be more and I followed her advice. I ended up making things uncomfortable between us by trying to push up on him and reading too much into his behavior. Thankfully things got better, but it was certainly a strange period for us.

Then there is my friend Larry. Larry and I met back in high school when he was dating one of my best friends. Larry and I were thick as thieves early on and periodically he and I would lose touch, but we'd always eventually find our ways back to one another. I'm blessed that through the miracle of Facebook, Larry and I have managed to recently reconnect after years of being apart. As we reconnected, he told me about some issues he's had and admitted that he's lost some good female friends in his day by letting his libido get the best of him. I then jokingly mentioned the make out session he and I had while I was in college, but I didn't want things to suffer so I said no. He said that he's glad I said no because I'd probably hate him if we'd gone all the way. I bet he's right. He even admitted to being a "slimeball" at the time and said that looking back it was best that things didn't go that way.

I've always been a girl that had a lot of people around me. I guess its safe to say that I'm popular. And yes, while going through my seasons of "no sex" it would be easy to push up on the males that surround me. But I've learned to not do that. Because I'd rather hold their hands than to have another broken heart.