A good friend of mine has been going through it and I went from watching the slow crash and burn of her marriage, to being in court this morning for her divorce hearing. My friend, who I'll call Amy, had an attorney who has been lackluster since the beginning, but she felt that since she'd already paid him a deposit, she was stuck. I begged her to use the same attorney who'd gotten my child support to what it was supposed to be, but she didn't listen.
I get it though. We all do the best we can with what we have. It was frustrating to hear the judge continue to scold her attorney for needing to appear via zoom, instead of in person. And then when her soon-to-be ex got up and lied through his teeth, I was absolutely floored. I couldn't believe that he sat there and so casually told lie after lie about their marital life and the destruction that followed, as if I didn't witness it in real time.
Needless to say, they both want the house. The sticky part is that her ex was the primary breadwinner for most of their marriage, until she started making enough money to do her own thing. They also have 2 minor children, and both are going for custody or 50/50, so it's kinda rough. As I sat there and watched that clown, I came to a very real conclusion- Thank you White Baby Jesus for me never getting married! There were definitely a few men in my life I thought I'd like to spend forever with, and watching them go back and forth over their house made me beyond grateful that my house is MINE. No one's name is on a single utility in my home, and I can move however I want and I don't owe anyone a damned thing. Talk about freedom.
And speaking of freedom, I had to leave the trial early so that I could run home and drop Pumpkin off in his dorm. We made it!! That lil fat butterball that I brought home from the hospital is now an official college student. I don't have many more turn up plans. I'll be in Los Angeles next week, for my friend's housewarming party. After that, the plan is to come back home and do an ignorant amount of overtime for the rest of the year and pay down some debt.
Anyway, I met with Dr. Z this last week. She asked about my summer and I admitted that I've been heavily showing my ass since Pumpkin crossed that stage in May. I just got back from Miami with plans to visit Los Angeles at the end of the month. I've gone tubing with friends, spent my birthday in the mountains, and still got one more trip. I've spent a grip, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Kinda glad that the summer is winding down though, I'm ready for some changes.
With Pumpkin heading off to school, I'd like to make some changes at my home. What I did not anticipate was that my lil' bean would sleep all damned summer. This lil jerk is like a cat, he sleeps until noon, wakes up to eat, then goes right back to sleep. I get off at 9:30pm, and I'd love to throw on some music and wake my home up as I feverishly clean. I'm not quite sure when the kid started sleeping early, but even when he's up, he admitted that my loud music disturbs him, so I made it a point to not to put on a personal concert for him.
Since he's gone now, I'd like to paint my hallway and put up many of the pictures I collected in NYC. I just know it would have been a challenge with him walking back and forth. I'd also like to paint my office and open it back up to be a proper writing room for me. So many options to finally explore, once I get my own home back.
My challenge of the overtime then became the fact of my retail job. I like the lil job. It gets me out of the house and keeps me social. It doesn't pay for shit, but it's retail, I don't expect it to. Early on at my main job, for overtime, we could just essentially pull up whenever and make some extra hours. Since then, they've capped the overtime, and we now have to bid on it. Now that I no longer have to focus on getting my kid across town to school, I can focus on making this money!
While I get ready to wind down my summer (which is wild to say, because my dashboard showed 102° degrees today) I'd considered a romp with Fred. We'd been chatting lately and all seemed well, but in the back of my mind, I began to wonder when he was going to show out again. One day, I decided to send him a couple of books that I felt would help to work on his growth. The fact is that he and I met when I was in my 20s and he was in his early 30s. We were both young and lost.
In the same vein, he often figures he'll find a nice Christian woman to settle down with, one who will not mind his arrested development. But what he doesn't seem to grasp is that no woman worth a salt is going to want a man barely scraping by in his 50s, in one of the most expensive cities in the world, and think "this is the man I'd like to make a baby with" as evidenced by the women who tend to nope out once they get to know him.
While I've made peace that he ain't the forever man for me, I still cared enough to tell him that if he wants the kind of women he's eyeballing, he needs to get his life in order. I ordered the books to be sent to his home. Books I felt would resonate with him. Then I decided that it was time. I attempted to be pretty gentle with it, and I even told him that as a mental health practitioner for the last 2 decades, I'd be willing to help him. But it fell on deaf ears. I heard him stiffen up almost immediately. He quickly said "I'll think about it" before going silent. We sat on the phone a bit longer and disconnected.
I tried to call him back a day later. I texted him "are we good?" No answer. I called him a few more times. Nothing. And this time? This time it just hit different. I'm reading a book lately (coincidentally, the same book I bought him) and this particular passage stuck out to me.
The last few years, we've barely been holding on. The more I heal and learn to love myself and stand firm in my awesomeness, the less tolerance I have for his ego and his flakiness. I guess one of my flaws is my lack of willingness to toot my own horn, in spite of it being well-deserved. I have a pretty okay paying work-from-home job, I have great friends who are flourishing, just bought a house and my spirit is healthier than it's ever been. More importantly, I finally have my peace of mind.
Not anymore. I initially sent a long text message outlining what he'd done wrong, but I went back and edited it. I just said, "this time, stay gone." He doesn't deserve the extra energy. He brings nothing to my life that make him worth his bad attitude.
I'm finally outgrowing childish things and people. And that's a great thing.
